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“Self-care.”
I can hardly see to it that I am eating well, that my kids’ teeth are brushed, that I am getting regular exercise or healthcare, much less able to access the kind of self-care lifestyle promoted on social media and on Goop.
I am an acupuncturist and in theory – in the business of ‘self-care’ and I am not sure I know what that even means.
What if I don’t have time? What if money is tight?
Self-care cannot possibly be a list of should’s.
It can’t just be something you can buy on Instagram.
This stirred a conversation in Slack internally here at Mend. Here’s what our team said in response to the question of what “self-care” means for them:
- Finding ways and time to simply be unstimulated or under-stimulated (more “non-doing” versus taking on the task of “doing” self-care. – Kim (Acupuncturist, COO)
- Getting my list of things-to-do done with as much ‘ease’ as possible (chunking all the ‘big’ things into small and hopefully manageable things. – Ida (Admin)
- Feeling my body so that I am gentle/nonjudgmental to myself AND creating an environment such that I could have the discipline to move forward towards a goal. -Yan (Acupuncturist)
- The in-the-moment practice of having curious and compassionate awareness of what’s going on for me, what my needs are, and how I can have them met. In some cases those are needs I can meet for myself, but sometimes I require outside support. -Amanda (Billing Director)
- Being curious in the overlap between self-care and community care, and in finding ways to support those in my circles and communities so that self-care is something we can all have access to. – Mary & Amanda (Admin and Billing Director)
- Having the basics in place so that I don’t get too stressed (and basics are boring! Clean laundry, flossing, and knowing where my car is parked). Perhaps when time and energy allows, add more layers such as doing a yoga or foam roll, or acu appointment, before I “need” one. – Angie (Massage Therapist)
- Letting go of the “should’s,” like I should be walking more regularly, or I should be meditating every day. More self-compassion and honesty about what I need. -Tara (Acupuncture Student & Admin)
- Knowing my “non-negotiables” (that help me crowd out the possibility of over-doing/over-stimulating in a day or week) is clutch. No day goes by without a walk outside, every dinner is real food and cooked by us (except Friday ordering in and a date night here and there), no work past 9pm, no social media on Sundays, being alone at least once per week. Come to think of it, it’s a lot of “no’s” that are how I take care to not let myself go beyond my “break point.” And when all that gets boring, I say screw it all, and look for opportunities for spontaneity (a day trip, cancelling plans, or ignoring the meal plan). -Sarah O (Founder & Acupuncturist)
I was struck by the intertwined nature of everyone’s reflections. My take-away from my colleagues: self-care is not driving yourself into the ground in the first place such that your tank is empty and NEEDS a filling station, but/and when your cup is indeed empty – let others help.
One of my teacher’s, Bob Duggan, would reference “stress” as an engineering term, not one intended for humans – the stability of concrete and beams comes from the flexibility of the metal mesh rebar that would allow the load of a building to sustain itself. That said, too much “rigidity” or “flexibility” would compromise the building’s strength and not allow it to withstand its load and “stress.”
Knowing and trusting our moment to moment needs is the wire mesh offering flexibility in the load we carry: stopping work early, sleeping in, blowing off plans, eating a different lunch than the one you packed, staying up late with a friend. Meanwhile the structure of non-negotiables of meal prep, to-do lists, movement, sleep, appointments on the calendar (dentist, PT, acupuncture), etc. act as our stabilizing force (the concrete and support beams).
In this investigative and reflective exercise, I’ve come to realize that self-care is about taking care of self and ‘being well’ – one part structure + one part flexibility and letting go. A helpful reminder as we start a new year.
